I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
