ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize