): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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