Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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