I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
