4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
