elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
