things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
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