At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
