i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
