..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
