whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
