Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
