she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
