I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
