Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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