Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
