You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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