For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
we should paint friendship bongs
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