....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
