You made me cry and you don't even care
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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