You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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