I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
