apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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