our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
