So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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