Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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