the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
