I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
