I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
