My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
