Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
