I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
porn star boner night. come get it.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
