btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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