Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
