you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
