White coat. Heels.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
