i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Randomize
