i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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