So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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