New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
where does the pee come out of this thing
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
