If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
