When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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