Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize