Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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