She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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