SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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