I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
