i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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