This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
