babies were throwing up all over the place
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize