I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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