she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
