She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
