.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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