Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
