sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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