so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
