Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
