There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
