When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
