sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
