I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
the day after is always just damage control
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize