1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
