I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize