your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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