there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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