You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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