Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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