Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
