I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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