I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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