evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
