i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize