I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You need Xanax blowdarts
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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