Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize